The Ever Elusive Me Time

Me time.

What does it mean? I used to think it meant doing what I wanted to do. Over the years it has evolved into any second I can actually be alone. Being an introvert in an extrovert world can be quite tiring. And with two children who need my constant love and attention, alone time is a rare gem that I have to track down and dig for hours to catch a glimpse of. In a family with two artsy parents who need time to create, whatever free time existed is cut in half, and those halves aren't always cut evenly.

For the past week of so Jamie has been working on a new project. It is the next installment of his Instrumental series of hymns and worship songs. Needless to say all of the time lately has gone to him. And I'm surprisingly not jealous.

Before I discovered how much I like writing, I often wondered (OK, I complained about it) why my life's purpose couldn't be as clear as Jamie's. If you've ever heard Jamie play, you know what I mean. If you haven't follow the link in this shameless plug.

Instead of getting jealous, I tried to learn from him. I think we all have something we do better than anything else. It was hard for me to figure it out because I have a lot of interests, and I'm pretty good at most of them. Figuring out which one rose one tick mark above the others in an imaginary bar graph was hard. I was looking for something big and bold, the thing that would single me out and shine the spotlight my way. When I still came up blank, I figured out that a talent doesn't have to be a performing act. It was then I finally saw that my purpose was just as obvious as Jamie's, only more behind the scenes.

My purpose is to help Jamie in his purpose. I know it sounds like a cop out, trying to piggyback on his talent, but it's not. I am very arts oriented, but I also love numbers and have a special place in my heart for spreadsheets. It's a strange combination that makes me an atypical accountant. In the early days of our marriage my purpose included working a reliable job and using my talents in spreadsheets to manage our family finances so that he could find time and resources to be a working musician. Now that we have children, my purpose duties have grown to include managing the kids and keeping everything running when he works on music.

He can't focus and be in the right frame of mind if he knows we're all falling apart here at the house. It's a hard job, but somebody's got to do it. And I'm glad that that someone is me. I love to hold his CD in my hand and know that I helped. I'm the little girl who poured the Shake and Bake into the bag and claimed that I helped make dinner. The contribution may be small, but it's important. After all, what would chicken be if you just shook it by itself in the bag?

My talents are not as noticed as the beautiful and inspired music that comes from my husband, but I still get to be part of something beautiful through him. And truthfully, I'd rather be behind the scenes anyway. Who needs the spotlight. Plus, I get to have two purposes - supporting and writing. And I'm really looking forward to my own me time once his project is complete.