To The Toddler's Mother at Trader Joe's

Dear Toddler Mother,

     We only talked for a few minutes, but I recognized the anxiety in your voice. I saw the desperation in your eyes that told me, whether you work or stay at home with your child, that you are with children for more hours in the day than you are with adults. I'm sorry I didn't stay to talk to you longer. There was so much more I should have said. If I hadn't been there entertaining my two-year-old niece, I would have talked longer. I left my own toddler at home because she gives me a run for my money just like you said your two-year-old boy does to you. Bless you for still taking the time and effort to take him to the grocery with you. It teaches him how to behave in public. Good job for not giving up. Your bravery has inspired me to take my daughter with me more, even though it will involve screaming and snatching free cookies out of workers' hands, then running away without saying thank you.
     Also I wanted to say that the reason I was entertaining my niece is that my sister is also stressed and at the end of her rope balancing life with a toddler, and I was trying to give her the gift of grocery shopping in peace. Every toddler mother feels the way you and I do.
     You mentioned you doubted the quality of work you were doing in mothering your child. I know that you are doing a great job by the simple fact that you question it. That means you're still trying. Don't worry about all the mommy-shaming going around. I firmly believe that the only true mommy shame comes from within. Judge not lest ye be judged. When we look at others critically we tend to think they look at us the same way. So don't worry about them. They're most likely not worrying about you. It's our interpretation of the comments and looks we receive that feels like judgment and we have control over that. We have to let those comments roll off our backs. Most of the time no real harm or judgement is intended, it just feels that way because we are raw in those spots the comments touch from all the self-judging. And the comments and looks that are intended to hurt are not about us. They're about the speaker. Those people have either never been in your situation or have forgotten just how difficult and hopeless life feels in the years when your kids are toddlers. So take it easy on yourself. You're doing a great job and it will get easier.

The stranger who understands,
Laura

P.S. Your child seemed pretty well behaved considering his age. Must be the result of good parenting.